Divorce and Family Mediation

Separation or divorce usually amount to a major crisis in the life of a family involving untold trauma and cost, both personal and financial.

Many separating and divorcing couples are concerned about, and want to avoid, contested and protracted court proceedings which can escalate the already existent hostility and can be enormously costly. However, it is often impossible for divorcing or separating couples to resolve the issues involved in their divorce or separation on their own.

So mediation provides a very real and viable alternative. Experienced mediators are able to assist such couples in exploring the options available and reaching agreement.

Here are the answers to some questions you may be asking:

#1 What is mediation?

It is a process in terms of which both parties, assisted by a mediator, work out the arrangements for themselves and for their children rather than having their divorce or separation controlled by attorneys or a court.

Mediators do not impose decisions on the parties. They focus on minimizing conflict, exploring options to settle and encouraging parental co-operation
Where children are involved.

#2 When can mediation be sought?

Before divorce or separation
During divorce or separation
After divorce or separation
Whenever there are issues of conflict to resolve

#3 What issues can be brought to mediation?

Any problems emanating from separation or divorce
Decisions about separation or divorce
Arrangements for care of or access to children
Housing and other property matters
Financial support
Financial settlements

#4 Is mediation confidential?

Yes, mediation is confidential. Discussions to try and resolve conflict are “without prejudice” and legally privileged, which means the information may not be used by either party in court. Mediators treat the information is strictly confidential unless someone’s life or welfare is in danger.

#5 Is mediation affordable?

The number of sessions required depends on the nature and complexity of problems. But mediation usually involves a fraction of the cost of legal proceedings. The charges may be shared by the parties in any way they agree.

#6 Is mediation a substitute for the services of a lawyer?

No, even where the mediator is a lawyer, he or she does not give legal advice. The parties are encouraged to seek legal advice during the process, and especially to peruse any resulting settlement agreement.

#7 The conflict is high-how can we possibly meet face to face?

Mediators are trained to deal with high emotions. All the couple needs is a desire to work things out peacefully and avoid contested legal proceedings.

#8 Can mediation work where one party is very powerful?

The mediator will not allow one party to overpower the other. The mediator will stop the process if any imbalance of power becomes disproportionate. Many spouse who have considered themselves the “weaker” party have been very effective in mediation.

(Sources: Family Mediation Practice; Family Life; Findlaw)

For more information contact Sheena Jonker on 0845204348.

Say what?

So exactly what is alternative dispute resolution?

I am so glad you asked. When disputes arise in society, and in particular where those disputes involve legal issues, it is a function of the courts to enforce the rules of society (the Law) or resolve the disputes.

But judicial processes are not the only way of resolving disputes. Negotiation, mediation and arbitration are all examples of alternative dispute resoltion mechanisms. All three have some characteristics in common in that they are:

1. informal
2. voluntary
3. flexible
4. consensual (the result is reached by agreement between the parties)
5. Private

Negotiation is often the first step in attempting to resolve a dispute. It involves the parties attempting to resolve their differences personally by agreement.

Mediation is similar to negotiation in that the parties themselves work to find a solution through a process of negoatiation, only here they are assisted by a third party, or "mediator".

Arbitration involves the parties voluntarily and jointly asking a third party, the arbitrator, to hear both sides of the dispute and then make a decision, or "award". This award is legally binding on the parties and is imposed on the parties.

In time we will look at the benefits of the above three forms of dispute resolution, as well as at the types of disputes that are suited to each mechanism.

I would love to hear back from you, especially your questions or suggestions relating to specific aspects you would like to see covered.

Until we meet again, and as always...peace.

Why ALTERNATE dispute resolution?

Welcome to my first followers!

As I said yesterday I will be sharing something of myself and my own experience as well as knowledge, thoughts and ideas relating to dispute resolution.

In terms of my own background, when I was very young I wanted to be a doctor. That dream however started to fade when I began to realize that I really couldn't handle blood. Also from the age of 14 onwards I started to develop a penchant for public speaking, debating and...politics. From then I knew I wanted to be a lawyer, although I think I really idealized my future ability to make the world a better place!

At 17 I went to 'Maritzburg Varsity and went on to complete a BA in Law and then an LLB. I served articles and was later admitted as an attorney at 24, and then, as a conveyancer, later that year. At the same time I took a BIG step and started my own practice which I ran for the next nine years and gained wonderful legal experience in both general practice and property law.

Six years into practice, I ran into some, shall we say, "brutal" life experience: my marriage hit the rocks in a big way and I was diagnosed with major depression. The next three and a half years would see me land in hospital seven times relating to depression, and also warring against a serious prescription drug addiction.

Through all this I tried to navigate the quagmire of a nightmarish divorce which took more than two years to conclude and seriously stripped me of just about everything emotional, physical and spiritual.

It was only after I stopped practising law and had healed to a certain extent from the brutality of the preceeding years, that I yearned to do something positive with my education, my legal background and my life experience.

Enter mediation...Watch this space.

Thanks again for joining me. Until next time...peace.

A better way to resolve disputes

This is my very first entry, and just a quick note to say that I hope you will follow me on this journey, and enjoy it with me.

It is my intention to both share some of my previous journey with you as well as to plot my path over the next months and years relating to this thing I really believe in-a better way to resolve disputes. I hope to inform you, perhaps educate you and definitely learn from you on this journey. I hope this makes sense.

Over the next few entries, I'll be sharing more about myself and my own experience. And then having a look at the world of conflict, and how disputes are usually settled. Then will be having a look at the alternatives-Mediation and Arbitration.

I hope to make some of your life struggles easier and am also so open-minded to your input, so would love to hear your thoughts and about your own experiences.

We deal with so much conflict in life-from the odd office spat to the really hectic stuff like divorce, dismissals, business diputes, to name a few. HOW we deal with that conflict is key, and there are choices-maybe more than you think.

Thanks for reading this and I hope you'll come back and visit again, maybe even let me know who you are, leave a thought or two.

Until next time...peace out!